I want to run away from You. I want to tear through the fields of this earth and feel the warmth of my beaten path where the rounded stones and familiar steps would take me away, far, far, far away from here and from You to the other side of this place to a perfectly peaceful lone beach.
The sand is cool, the clouds hang low yet gentle are the skies, the water is still. It is quiet and I like it. I build myself a sandcastle with heaps of beautiful and delicately intricate pieces of the earth. I pour myself into this mastery, a fancy piece of art carefully crafted. I feel a sense of pride in the light of what I have accomplished. This castle reflects my time, and energy, and my abilities as a mother, woman, and who I am as a person. Pieces of heart-shaped shells adorn the walls of the tall towers that raise skyward to the heavens. Seashells... trinkets of my soul. I built that sandcastle.
But sandcastles aren't made to last forever and it starts to crumble over time. The elements and seasons change and time goes slowly by. Then the water once still and calming starts stirring and it's crashing down on my beach. The clouds seem darker, intimidating and scary. I shield the sandcastle with my body but it's fruitless. The wind passes over and through me, and the storm overtakes my tiny frame.
Just like that my sandcastle is nothing more than a broken scattered pile of messy wet sand. The wind begins to howl and the sky grows restless. My monument is ruined. I hunt for those seashells among that mess, wiping hot sweaty tears away with my dirt stained hands. My arms and knees are dirty and bloody from digging and looking for those seashells. I try to protect them, each one by one and clutch them close my body. One of them cuts a fresh wound in my palm and I drop it. It stings harshly and I can't grasp them all any longer because the waters knock me down and I choke on the foamy fluid. I'm fighting to find some air as I'm tossed hard into the sea wall. I'm weary and it hurts. I can't find my breath. The salty waters sting my eyes and I cry out because I can't take it anymore.
And You hear me. And You save me.
You scoop me out of the darkness, out of my own mess. You gave me refuge and restored my strength. You gave me grace despite what I did to You when I ran away. You restored my faith and loved me, even when I was most unloveable. You gave me comfort and covered my scars. And you invited to me rebuild castles together in heaven, on Your solid ground.
I will praise You all the days of my life.
