I get my best sleep

In the 2.5 years that I've been a parent I have not had a single restful night sleep and that's not an exaggeration. I know I lay my head down for at least 7 hours every night but I still feel like I'm exhausted by noon every day. It's one of those things that you just adapt to, I guess. The tiredness and nodding off is my new normal... so yay, me!

I lay my head on my balled-up orange pillow and piece together the day as my thoughts run through my mind. Anxious by nature, I do my best worrying after the lights are off and all distractions are gone. Ten, eleven, twelve, the hours creep past me as I toss and turn with just the shallow green light from my alarm clock to keep me company...

Right now Nolan sleeps in his own bedroom just on the other side of our wall and Leah in the pack and play a mere 2 feet from me. He stays there typically from 10pm-4am. Almost like clockwork I can hear his little legs roll out of bed and him walking down the hall to our door to Brian's arms and in between us in our tiny (well, it's a queen size) bed. He does not sleep lightly and the kid practically breakdances in his slumber. An elbow jab here, a foot there, and almost, almost, almost always he's on my side of the bed. But it kinda brings me peace in those early hours, I guess. Because as I'm laying there (NOT SLEEPING) I'm comforted by the sounds of the rythym of both of my babies breathing and right then, right there, everything is right and I can drift right back to sleep.

I promised myself this

I thought of a million different ways to start this blog entry today but at the moment every single one of them has escaped me.

At the moment all four of us are sitting in the living room watching Cars for the eleventy billionth time. I could probably recite this movie word for word or even reenact it for you if you needed me to. But it's Monday night and there is nothing on television and Nolan did eat all of his dinner and it's terribly cold outside so here we are. I shouldn't complain though, because we are together and I'm always reminding myself that this is just a phase, that this will go by all too fast.

I got the craft bug earlier and started to get out some stuff to work on but then I felt like it had gotten too late. I wanted to make a few felt brooches for Leah's clothes, something cute and colorful to jazz up a few dresses and cardigans... but I didn't.

I'm really good at that, getting an idea in my head but not seeing through fruition. I have lots of ideas actually, but I lack in areas that would make those ideas work. That's not a dig for compliments, it's just me being truthful. I can make a list of things I want to accomplish but until I start to do anything than all they are are ideas. There are no medals for ideas and ideas aren't achievements. I guess I have motivation envy, if that is a real thing.

But for now all I feel like I have motivation to do is cuddle these guys.