Unimpressive

I am one step closer to becoming a scholar once again! Yes, that's right, I'm taking the GRE in just a few weeks so I can get my butt back in the classroom and on my way to that effing masters degree I've been putting off for forever. But I'm already dying painfully slowly from studying for this damn test.

Math? Seriously, what is that about? I have an iPhone, I can just google the answer to a fraction question anytime I want. Who needs long division? Masochists, that's who.

I pretty much really suck at math. It's the frickin bane of my existance. I've never, ever, ever, everevereverever been good at math. That (math) is for the birds, I tell you. Nothankyousir.

That's not to say that I don't have talents in other areas. I'm just not certain that the committee who will be reviewing my grad school application are going to be all that impressed with what I have to offer.

Here is a list of things that I have managed to accomplish/perfect in my lifetime. Don't be jealous.

1. Singing the alphabet backwards - yes, zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba. My steel trap mind has held on to that tidbit of information after picking it up from a very naughty stand up comedian. Though this talent has yet to pay off monetarily, it has won me quite a few respect points from a bar full of strangers.

2. An ability to win "free crap" in sweepstakes - Karma/good luck tend to work in favor, I'm not going to lie. Maybe I'm a reincarnated martyr or just saved a lot of kittens in another life, just saying. There is no rhyme or reason why I've been able to walk away with free vacations, electronics, and lots of knick nacks.

3. An ability to look at a candy bar and gain five pounds. That's pretty self explanatory.

4. I can pretty much reenact Disney Pixars "Cars" movie word-for-word verbatim. That, I can blame on my preschooler.

5. Actually live a nightmare and live to tell about it. You know that nightmare you have where you wake up and suddenly remember that there is a class that you signed up for but never attended and it's the day of the final? Yeah, in college I enrolled in a for-credit scuba diving class that was on Saturdays. I figured it would be super fun and cheap, plus I was about to go on my honeymoon and I was psyched to school my fiance with my sweet moves.... But the first day or class came and I went and I was completely missed it... and the second week as well. Yeah. I did that.

So I guess you could say that I'm more a "life experiences" kind of learner. I've all but abandoned hope for the math portion... let's just hope I knock the essay section of my application out of the park!