Glossy

Life can be pretty darn hilarious sometimes. Falling-to-your-knees-choking-for-air-can't-catch-your-breath laughter rumbling through your body till your sides hurt. I like laughing. life is funny... except when it's not. And sometimes it just isn't.

There are lots of parts of me that's aren't very funny or pretty and truthfully, they can be down right filthy ugly. But I try as I might to cover those over, wrapping up my whole self in a shiny tidy glossy box (with a bow, of course!) to present to you.

This is me.



From the outside I think I look pretty darn good, ifIdosaysomyself.

God did a great thing when he made it so that people's outsides don't have to match their insides. We don't have to show off our broken pieces, scars on our hearts, painful reminders of what has hurt us in the past. God doesn't make us carry those with us... we do that to ourselves.

Somedays I get crippled by what has been done to me or said to me. I don't have the words to explain to my husband why my insecurities make it hard for him to touch me or love on me. He loves me SO MUCH. But I never will feel like I deserve it, that I'm worthy of that because I've been told (and my mind will tell me NOW) that I don't.

I build up walls around my beating heart as wide as they are thick and find comfort in keeping people out of reach, 'don't touch me!' Closeness makes me nerve-y. The deeper the yuckier.... the darker. I'm an onion I tell ya.

A glossy (and sometime stinky) prize-winning onion.