What's Happening, Yo?

Sometimes my phone is the best diary of my life. Herein case, an exhibit and commentary on the suburban life of a 20-something mom.

Tiny fingers make for most excellent hand holding.

DIY advent calendar, Christmas in full effect!

City sidewalks dressed in holiday style. (? I might have made those lyrics up)

Must. resist. biting. toes.

Sleep cuddles are my favorite.

I love his smile. It's gotta be worth millions... at least, a few million kisses.

Won't let go.

Shadow.

"Look mommy, Leah has tattoos just like you."

Getting crafty, well, as crafty as a type-A clean freak will get.

Socks on her hands... seems legit.

Boot weather!

Us on YHL. Famous... for like a second.

Word, J. Adler.

Stinker... Literally, he kind of stunk. I gave him a bath.

TIMBER

 They greet me at the door every single day with bright smiles and sticky fingers. One right after the other, tiny arms grab my legs and I sweep each of them up in my arms to kiss them gently on the cheek. Leah squeezes her legs tighter around my waist as Nolan slides down my side.

I blow a kiss to Brian who’s standing in the kitchen working on dinner and then race off to the bedroom with the children right behind me. They explode with giggles as we crash on top of my unmade bed. Nolan pulls himself on top of the yellow comforter and I grab Leah who’s anxious to join us.

I tickle each bare belly and they laugh and laugh and laugh. I watch the crinkle of their noses and the beautiful way the lamp light shines through their blonde hair. We take turns crashing into the covers and yelling “TIMBER!!!!” It’s so silly, yet so fun, well, for the four and under crowd.

I laid down for a second and sank deeper into the mattress with every bounce when a little hand grabbed me shirt and yanks it higher. Not long after I was met with a cold wet raspberry on my exposed stomach. I couldn’t help but laugh. A finger traced the now faint silver lines on my abdomen, forever imperfect marks left from pregnancy. Then again, a second wet raspberry higher other side from the other child. In an overdramatic show I wiggled around in the messy sheets and hugged my children tightly. And again the room filled with laughter.

My body isn’t perfect, but it made these two amazing people.

I am not perfect. I am not home enough, I lose my temper, I don’t cook or clean enough, and I can’t always be there to protect them. I am not always the mom I want to be. But to them, I am perfect. 

 

Ending

I dropped the kids off for their last day of preschool at Twin Oaks. The excitement in their voices as we walked inside was the same as it always was. We said hello to their teachers and I signed my initials next to each of their names on the roster. I didn’t look them in the eye for fear that the tears would come. I dropped their bags in their classrooms and glanced around at the tiny gray tables, multi-colored miniature chairs, and the folders with their names each carefully marked. We have really great memories here.

It’s hard being a working mom. It’s hard to leave every day for an office when someone else is caring for your children. You learn to trust them though, like family, with your most precious possessions. My kids thrived at their preschool. Leah learned to talk in sentences, Nolan writes his name and quotes bible verses. They LOVE their school. They love their teachers.

My heart breaks for my kids, but it also hurts for the staff at the school. It’s not their fault that the school is closing, and they have so much love for the children that I can’t imagine this being any easier on them. Pictures come in daily recounting the adventures of the kid’s day with the staff. The kids will miss them. I will miss them, too.

Through so much uncertainty, I’ve been confident that our family would weather the storm and come out in the end just fine. Most recently we rejoiced in Brian’s new job, and celebrated what we thought was a change in the tide that would be, for lack of a better word, easier. But this chapter of change and uneasiness wasn’t quite over and I would be lying if I said that my mind is totally at ease that we can shelve that chapter for good. I don’t know. I know our dear friends at preschool will be missed. We wish them well, and will always look back fondly on the memories we made here.

 Our past brought us to here, so we must be thankful for the hardship, the pain, the struggles we had. But I know that we’ll be just fine.

We’re all going to be just fine.

Seasons

 The air has cooled in that way Texas does all crisp-y and suddenly. Yesterday it was 86 and today it’s 56, but that’s just how seasons do in these parts, abruptly and pretty much without notice.

I took a walk yesterday with my boy and we kicked through the few yellowed maple leaves that had decorated the sidewalk. The temperatures actually started dropping yesterday, and I caught myself getting giddy about the summer season ending. I thought about how much of this past six months has been one giant season of life change for our little family and here we are at a literal change of seasons.

Seasons come and seasons go, and life keeps on going. And you know what? Normally, I couldn’t be more thankful for that. Usually I have an incredibly short attention span, ready to jump to the next thing and leave behind the old. I have grand dreams of picking up and moving somewhere new just because a place gets familiar, and I shun familiarity. I would crave change, not wanting to get too close or comfortable. Maybe I’m getting old, or maybe I’m finally growing up, but after the past six months, I’m ready for things to stay the same for a little while. Perhaps that season of life is over.

Brian and I both changed jobs multiple times, our kids changed schools, family was sick or in need, our financial situation changed, we found ourselves in and out of uncertainty, and we experienced pretty much every. single. emotion. (So many emotions!) We fought, every single day, together to make it through. We were tested. We were tempted. We struggled. We were completely broken. We resolved to make it work. It wasn’t easy. But through this season of change God has been there with us and I’m confident in saying that He’s the one that delivered us through those very rough times.

(Even as I write this, Matt Redman’s song “Never Once” is playing, the lyrics “Never once did I ever walk alone.” Just perfect.)

Looking back, I’m thankful for those changes for getting us to where we are today. And I’m hopeful for this next season and what could be in store for the Ritz crew. We’re going to bundle up though, never know what the adventure will lead us through.  

one, two, three, FOUR!

My first born turned FOUR yesterday. The amusement and joy of watching a child grow into their own person is the most amazing and awesome experience of a lifetime. In four short years, this kid has completely captivated my heart and consumes my soul with love.
WOW, four.
Here's the obligatory "mom blogger" info:
Height: 37.5"
Weight: 28lbs.
Likes: Nutella sandwiches, cars, airplanes, "daddy's cars" (a.k.a. Ford Mustangs), playing outside, splashing at the pool and splash parks, fruit snacks, ice cream sandwiches, taking walks in our neighborhood, play hide and seek.
Dislikes: Getting dirty, sitting still, washing his hair.
Favorite food: Nutella sandwiches
Favorite movie: Cars 2
Favorite toy: "daddy's car"
Best buddies: Chris, Grayson, Chase, Leah.

Dear Nolan,

Happy birthday, buddy! Mommy and daddy are so proud of you and love you with our whole heart for your whole life. Your presence in our house is a blessing, and it's an honor to parent you. You light up a room whenever you enter. Everyone talks about how friendly you are, always saying "hi" and smiling. Those big brown eyes welcome strangers and friends wherever you go.
You definitely have your own personality, and are very determined to do things on your terms. (I don't know where you could have possibly gotten that from!) You like what you like and you do what you want without apologizing for it. I love your confidence! I pray that you'll always listen to yourself and do what is right, so obey your mama now. :)
Getting you to do what I need you to do is sometimes a challenge, like sitting down for dinner. I still can't believe a child of mine can refuse to eat! But then again, you did wake up yesterday morning and asked where your presents were. That pretty much erased any doubt I might have had.
You're in preschool now! You can count and spell, and quote memory versus and your little mind amazes me. You love your sister, always giving her hugs, and sometimes I even catch you sharing your toys with her! I hope that friendship never fades you two always remain close.
Mommy and daddy are very excited what this year has in store for us as we get ready for KINDERGARTEN. Oh my, heart!
I love more than words can say.
xoxo,
Mama

Rest

During Christmas break we stayed with my parents in Virginia. We had a great time being with family, soaking in the goodness that surrounded us, playing games, visiting friends, seeing sights, and celebrating the season.

It was nice.

One of my resolutions for the new year is to simplify. Simplify my life in many ways, but mostly from the pursuit of things that are outside of my control. Life gets complicated and I've never been good at being GOOD to myself. It's easy to get weary when you are overextended.

I lie awake at night and think about our future. My heart races (sometimes with excitement and sometimes with fear) at what big plans are on our docket. I make plans, detailed lists encrypted on my brain on what our next step can be. Always calculating that next move. I feel myself sink deeper into the bed sheets with heavy responsibility as I drift off to sleep.

We have vowed to keep one weekend a month for family "base" time at home. I took my work email off of my personal cell phone. We are limiting our errands to one weekend a month. We swore to finish all projects FIRST before starting another. We agreed to evaluate our needs closer, not hinging our happiness on the acceptance of others. Most of all, letting go of the stress. That is the plan, at least.

Life got out of balance last year. We were just busy and moving. Always, always, always stirring. In fact I wasn't sure where we fell on the spectrum until recently after the dust all settled. I think we're on the right track, edging closer inch by inch to the middle.

I sat with my daughter today. Really just sat static. I breathed in her baby smell and stroked her soft warm cheek. She's getting so big! I blinked and she's not a newborn anymore. I thought about how busy she is. Inquisitive, engrossed in her fancy, and genuinely enamored with whatever catches her eye. She's always (seems) to be moving. She rarely stays idle, I thought. But she sat with me. She batted at my hair with her tiny fingers and cooed delicately to me and her body melted into my lap. I squeezed her chubby legs and kissed her gently on the neck and I sigh.

And I realize that maybe I am the one that can't stay still.

"Ain't No Poop In Your Tushhhhh-y"

Photo Credit
Potty training stinks. Literally sometimes.

There is that saying that no one ever goes to college in diapers, which may be true, but the cost of therapy for both you and your child after potty training could very well pay for a year or two of tuition. Geez.

My son is edging closer to 3 1/2 and up until a few weeks ago was still sporting pull ups and had zero interest in, umm,
dumpingdepositing his waste in the porceline pot.

We tried everything from buying him his own miniature plastic thrown, complete with sound effects and bright blue accents, to bribing him with new toys and ice cream. He currently uses the potty as a step stool to reach the sink. Nothing worked.

He peed in the potty like a champ. (Boy's got some good aim) For that I am thankful. He even cleans up after himself. So, yay, no stepping in warm pee for me! In parenting it's often the little things. SIGH. For a while we would have him wear real underwear around the house. Can I just say how adorable tiny skivvys are? OMG. I die. He's mostly good about telling us he needed to go potty, and we've had very few wet accidents.

But THE POOP. Ohmygosh the poop. Without fail he'd ask to go poppy and five minutes later he'd drop a duece in his drawers. Ugh. Thanks, kid. We'd sit on the potty for 20 minute stretches of time while trying desperately to keep him happy and distracted enough to go. But nope, never, not even a little fart. (giggle, sorry, I am, apparently, an eleven year old boy)

Several of his buddies were passing him with this milestone. Other parents assured us that while their kid was maturing at a scholarly pace, that our boy would catch up soon, on his own time. I have to admit how much it made me feel like a failure that my son wasn't potty trained yet. I don't consider myself to be a lazy person or a bad parent, but your self confidence sure can take a hit when the toddlers on Teen Mom are going on their own and your kid isn't. I have a fancy degree and I was on the mothereffing deans list in college but I felt like I let my kid down.

I love my son SO MUCH, and believe in him with every part of my being. I tell him everysingleday that I love him and that I'm proud of him. I am his biggest cheerleader and his first best friend, and I don't ever want him to feel like he's not good enough at something. I want more than anything to protect his heart from hurting and I pray that I am not the cause of his first pain. I ask the Lord every night to help me parent my children and help me guide them in all the right ways.

If there was a picture in the dictionary of an apple and of a tree, then you would see my son and me. He's inherited so many of my own characteristics that it's frightening and awesome at the same time. He's got one dimple when he smiles and he's empathetic and kind, but he's strongwilled and won't move an inch unless it's own his own terms. Last night I gave the kids a bath and Nolan played a little longer after I put Leah to bed. He played in the bubbles and pushed his boats in the ripples of the water and then suddenly it happened!!!!

He looked up at me and said that he needed to go poop! I quickly fastened the potty seat on the toilet and sat his dripping behind down. And then fireworks went off! Okay, not really, but metaphorial fireworks went off because my kid POOPED in the potty. BY HIMSELF. He did it!!!! Of course, when *HE* wanted to go.

We squeeled with excitement and sand an impromptu song, one of my best (I think), it went a little something like this, "Ain't no poop in your tuuuush-y... No, no, no, no thare aiiin't nooo poop in your tuush, Your tush ain't got no poop, your tush ain't got no poop, no, no, no." Funny how that seemed like the most appropriate thing to do at the time. We danced too, A LOT.
Naked.After we promptly got cleaned up, and appropriately dressed. Ahem.

I'm so happy for my little guy. His face lit up when he saw what he had done. While, no, I don't think *this* memory will be one he shares with his future dates, I do hope that he'll remember how proud he felt accomplishing this. I hope he'll remember me cheering him on. I'm sure there will be lots more
craphard stuffchallenges that we'll face in the future, but I hope that no matter what he'll always know that I love him.

In Her Eyes

I could look into these eyes all day long. They are these tiny beautiful pools of blue that mirror flecks of sunlight and light up her face. I am often entranced at how much of her personality is written in her mannerisms. She frequently looks with discernment and caution, but warms up to people so quickly which speaks to her easy-going nature.

I love her so much and I'm absolutely smitten when she smiles. She talks! Oh, my how loud her little voice can be. I hear her giggle at her brother or coo at her daddy and she melts me.

I am so thankful that my heart is now complete.