stoplight

It was a dark and cold rainy morning as I sat at the stoplight in a rental car that I've had for far too long. The drops hit hard on the windshield as the wipers swished waves of water to the side. We waited as music from the hipster radio station hummed just under the sound of the rain. The red from the stoplight poured into my seat...

I'm waiting. In a holding pattern. Sitting in an infinite idle.

So much of our future is in the air.... waiting. Waiting for God to make his next move, for the stars to align, and for this chapter to end. It's calming and frustrating to know that THIS will end... eventually. But for now I'm waiting.

I remember back to my teen years, driving solo in my beat up old white hatchback across country roads in the deep of night. Waiting to grow up. Waiting for a husband by my side and babes in my belly. Waiting.

I remember late evening studying at a table in the school library, flipping pages of textbooks and spiral bound notebooks, waiting to graduate so I could marry my best friend. Waiting for our lives to come together as one. Waiting for a career.

I remember sitting on a hospital bed and when the doctor's asked if I was ready. After nine months of waiting for my baby to be born. Waiting for the moment to hear both of their first cries. Waiting for my heart to be full, waiting to be a mother.

I'm not so good with uncertainty. Trusting that a path will be forged and that will be the direction we should go. But it has, it has.

And it will.

I have a husband. I have an education. I have a job. I have two beautiful children. I have so much.

Though, right now, while it feels like it's been forever, I'm standing at a crossroads with an infinite number of avenues ahead. Just waiting for that signal, a sign to move ahead. Waiting.


... And just like that my light turns green and we go.